27 August 2004
It seems like something is very wrong with my computer. Am unable to update my blog. Tried using Xanga.com, also unable to. Just have to type it here in Words first and transfer later.
Anyway, we quarreled again. He called me last night, told me he going to Malaysia to work already. Asked him what position, where and when, he refuse to say. Only told me he will be a Duty Manager then. Tried to get the information from him, he was all the while trying to irritate me.
I started to lose my patience and start to shout at him. He still persists. He then said something like, “Actually a lot of hotels did call me up but I rejected them.”
I was really pissed off then. Told him he has wasted my time and money. Asked him to give everything back to me. Just could not control myself then. Tears was rolling down my cheeks already then.
We put down the phone. I still could not get over it. Message him some nasty messages. Did it a total of 6 times, all in capital letters. By then, he called me and scold me. He said something that really woke me up. “You always say do not know because you do not trust people. You must trust yourself first then you can trust others.”
He was right. Very true… I admit. I did not have 100% trust in him at times. I do feel very insecure at times. I just cannot help it.
He called again the second time. Tried to remain calm. The thought about what I messaged him pissed him off. Started to lose his cool already. Decided not to talk to me anymore.
I felt guilty… Real guilty then. What he had said then is still spinning round my head.
Manage to fall asleep. But woke up before 9am. Tossed and turned in bed till 10am.
At work, the computers were corrupted. Was left nothing to do for half an hour or so. Had a chat with Adeline. It has been a long time since I told her stuff. Told her about David. She say how silly can I be to give him my number. I did not know he is that type of person until he got my number. If I knew, I would not have done so.
Later in the evening, Eric messaged me. It was regarding the gathering on next Saturday. It is confirmed. We may be going karaoke after that. So exciting. So long never meet up with them already. Hope Dear have forgiven me by then. I am really sorry dear. I have realized I am at fault this time round.
After work, called him to wake him up. Went to have dinner with Rebecca at Raffles City foodcourt. Ate yong-tau-foo. After that, called him again. Was thinking of buying food for him. He did not answer the call. Called me back when I was in the MRT. Sounded very angry. I know he is still pissed off with me. Put down the phone shortly after that.
Reached home, messaged him, asking him to cool down. He did not reply my message since then. Wonder will he call me tonight? I guess very unlikely he will. Shall I call him later? I really do not know. Guess our Sunday’s outing will be cancelled. ALL MY FAULT!!!
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
9:43 PM
Dear called me last night to see if I was home already. Called again at 2.30am. Asked him why he always call at this particualr time. Told me because he always finish work at this time. Lame questions will receive a lame answer.
Started the day with him calling me to wake me up. So sweet of you my dear...
Wanted to walk to Hougang MRT station to take the train to work. However, the shining sun made me took a bus to Ang Mo Kio MRT station instead. Took a train from there then.
During lunch, Grace told me a good news. I had clinched the deal for the Prescidential Suite!!! The guest will be coming again on 30 August. He had came yesterday and left today. For this suite, we get to get the whole 10% of the upselling. Not just the normal 1% only... So proud of myself. Guess I am really lucky this month. Been closing quite a number of deals for suites.
Had mee-tai-mak for lunch. The first time eating it in Mcmarina. Not bad to me. But I stopeed eating when I accidentally bite on a cockel.
Felt hungry during evening time. Ein Ein offered me the bread she bought from home. Took half a piece only. However, it was very nice. Could not resist her offer for the second piece. In the end, I ate the whole piece of bread for her. So sorry... It just taste very delicious...
Told Dear about my upsell when he messaged me in the evening. He told me he going to gym. Motivated guy... Heard he going again tomorrow. Wanted to meet him for dinner at first. But by the time he got ready to leave his house to meet me, it was already too late. So we may be meeting this Sunday. Not confirmed yet though... As usual... Maybe we shall catch a movie if we are going out. Really want to watch The Notebook.
Talked to him while waiting for the train to come. Money issue arose. Till now, I have been asking him to save money for the future. He has yet to do so. Shall come up with a plan that will make him save money.
Keep smelling this particular smell from Indians. Asked him about it. Insisted that he did not apply anything and it comes out naturally from them. Is it really so?
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
2:14 PM
Last night downloaded a couple of things from M1 website. A new ringtone and a picture message. There seems to be so many nice ringtones to download. But it is quite expensive. Guess I will download it one by one, not all at the same time though. The picture message is only for Sony Ericsson T610 handphone. So, I sent it to Dear's handphone.
I only reply to David's message this morning. Told him that I will accept him as a friend if he treats me as one. I have not received any messages from him since. Guess he must have got the hint.
Daddy did fetch me again today. But not to hotel though. Just drop me off at Bugis. Took the MRT from there to hotel.
Class for today was same as yesterday. Time pass rather fast. There seems to be telepathy between me and Dear. =) Just when it was break-time, he messaged me, asking me if I am in class then. I immediately called him. He was getting ready to go to bed then. Heard from him Mr Peter Teo has resigned. Came up with the crap that he has became the Director, as well as Mr Rahman. What a joke... Admit that he was joking in the end. Wonder what will happen to Amara then. Who will be the new General Manager? What will happen to the other Teos's?
Dear said he going to gym in the evening as well. Going to Planet Fitness Club at Orchard. Decided to go thin. Yesterday jog... Today gym... If only I am so motivated as well. Asked him to come to Hougang gym so that I can go as well. Execercise together. But he did not want to.
Asked him if he received my MMS last night. As he did not activate his MMS, he only received a message from M1, asking him to activate it. There gots my hearts...
When class started, he called me again. I could not pick up that call. I messaged him, telling him class has started. Told him if he is not sleeping by 12.30pm, he can call me then. However, my phone restarted by itself. Weird... My phone rang again. Not once but twice. And for both times, it was his number that appeared, not his name. Strange... Anyway, I am going to change phone already. Mummy wants to have my phone. Another great excuse for me to get a new phone. Samsung E600C is what I am eyeing for...
Really need to edit all our emails I guess. After attending this class, I realised that there are words that we should not use at all, sentences that we should not use... Told Rebecca about it just now. She asked me to tell Grace about it tomorrow. Maybe I shall do that if she ask me how was the class.
Came straight home after class. Went to buy bread on the way. Thought of having them for dinner. My whole family were going to Heartland Mall for dinner and I did not thought of joining them. However, when I got home, Mummy called and ask me to join them for dinner. Went to Sakae Sushi to eat... Then, went to take neo-print with Millie and Michelle. Wanted to post them here but just cannot do so. Maybe I shall ask Elaine how she uploaded her pictures here. Then I will upload mine as well.
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
12:48 PM
Like my first blog, Dear called to make sure I was awake already. I could not really sleep last night. Went to bed only at around 4am. Is it because I was too engrossed reading Elaine's blog? Is it because of the dream Dear and Elaine had? Is it because I am excited that I am going to classes again today? Abit of everything I guess.
Elaine told me she had dreamt of ghost as well the previous night yesterday. So coincident with Dear. What ia happening now? Scary... Same type of dream for the 2 closest people to me in my life.
When reading her blog, I couold really feel the love she is receiving now. She also no longer is trying out. She means business now. Good for her... Some parts of him that she wrote, I could relate it to Dear. Maybe it is just the thing in guys. Some moments they shared, I could also relate to the moments I had with Dear. It is true. One has to give in in relationship to make things work. If both are strong-willed, things will never happen. Like them, I could feel that we are trying to work things out as well.
Usually, Daddy would fetch Mummy to Aljunied MRT station. She would then take a train from there to work. Today was an exception. Guess for tomorrow as well. He fetch us to work!!! All because of me. I am a spoilt brat. Spoilt by them. Reached rather early. Decided to go for breakfast. Felt like eating MacDonalds. When I went there, I could not decide what to eat. Did not really feel like eating but have a craving for it. Settled with a hash-brown and a cup of Milo.
Headed for class then. On my way there, messaged Dear that I am going for class already, just in case he were to call me later. Immediately, he called me, telling me that he has a meeting to attend later on. I thought maybe we could go for dinner after my class and his meeting.
Learnt quite abit for the class today. Realised the English that we have been using everyday is wrong. The email confirmation letter has words that should not be there. Maybe when I return back to work, I will retype the letter again. Went for MacDonalds lunch by myself today. Had the McNuggets Happy Meal. It came with a Qoo mini soft toy.
During the second break, I actually took a short nap. Really fell asleep. It was only when Faisal called me did I wake up. If I am not wrong, he called me twice!!! After class, messaged Dear, asking him if meeting has ended. Saw David message as well. He asked me the reason for not replying his messages. Told him to not be so persistent and he apologised. Asked if he can call me tonight, I never reply. Dear did not messaged me till 6.30pm. Was hesitant to call him as I am not sure whether he is still in a meeting or sleeping. Decided to give it a try anyway. He was at home!!! Meeting cancelled. Preparing to go for a jog. I headed home then.
Took a nap till 9pm. Realised I had a missed call. It was from David. He messaged me as well, asking me to give him a chance. I guess I will not reply him till tomorrow morning. Just do not feel like doing so now. While watching the last episode of the Channel 8 9pm show, I received a couple of messages. Expected to be Dear. But I was wrong. There were messages from friends. Will Dear call me later???
Have this thought in me after watching the show. The guy has cheated on his wife twice. In the end, she still forgives him and they are happily together again. This time, with their child as well. Is this what we call love? To be able to forgive each other no matter what fault the other party has. Only if the other party has realises his / her mistake and willing to change for the better? In my case, I can see that both he and I have slightly changed. Though at times he can still be very abusive and violent, I have become more understanding towards him AT TIMES. Is it really true that according to a Chinese saying, "To hit is to sayang and to scold is to love". I will try my very best to accept everything about you. You would too have to accept me for being me. We shall together work towards a common goal.
Guess I will continue watching my VCD later. Looks like I will take 20 days to complete the whole show at the rate I am going now. 1 disc each day. I just would fall asleep in the middle of the 2nd disc if I were to watch 2 disc at 1 time. Too tired after work I guess...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
1:40 PM
I am really going crazy already. Not for him but about him. Daivd messaged me early this morning on my way to work. Wished me good morning and ask if I wanted breakfast. Of course I rejected his offer. Anyway, Rebecca already said she will buy breakfast for me today.
Something weird happened today. As usual, I asked for 2 toasts and a cup of soyabean drink. I ended up with 3 pieces of toast. Rebecca did not believe it as well. Pure coincidence I guess...
Dear called me on the way home this morning. Said his leave was not approved by Mr Chia... There goes our Malaysia trip... Are we not fated to go over at all???
Work was rather slow-moving today. Had nothing much to do. But when it was around 3pm, things start to get messy. I became busier. I have not completed the task I agreed to help Rebecca to do. Last night, a guest from Japan Tours made a complain. No permenent triple room... No chocolate for the other child. This promotional package has been causing lots of problems. We managed to set on an agreement with Steven. I had to go and amend all the reservations that has already been processed. Continued to do so at around 4.30pm, after I hand over my station to Ein Ein. Sat at the computer near the printer to do so that I will not be disturbed by anyone.
While waiting for Rebecca to leave, helped her to do her project. We then went to eat ckicken curry at Curry by the Bay before heading home. He saw me and messaged me good bye, said he will call me tonight.
On my way home, Dear called me. He had dreamt of ghost. Poor thing... Asked me if I want to meet him. He is unable to meet me tomorrow as he predict he will have to leave late tomorrow morning. Of course I gladly agreed. Talked to him all the way in the MRT, leaving Rebecca alone. So sorry... Decided to meet him at 8.30pm at Ang Mo Kio MRT station.
Came home, took the watch for him and left at 8.10pm. He went to eat chicken rice there while I just had a drink. Green tea for both of us... Sat there and chat till 9.10pm. Told me how come he can have that dream just now. And also many other spooky stories... In the midst of listening to his stories, I secretly placed the watch in hig bag.
Walked back to the MRT station. Wanted to send him to work. But he insisted for me not to do so. Somehow I felt very irritated suddenly. In the end, I gave in. He walked me to the bus stop, see me go up the bus before heading for work.
On my way home, I read the message by David. He apologised!!! Is it because April told him something? Or is it because he got my hint when I did not reply to his earlier message? I think is because of this matter that I get so irritated easily. Sorry my dear, did not mean to shoe you my unhappy face. I just do not feel good now. I also do not know how to go about telling you. But 1 thing is for sure, my heart is with you...
Called dear when I got home. He was looking at the wacth I gave him? Nice? I hope you really like it, because I do... While talking to him, I actually teared. I do not know why also. Just could not control myself. Feel myself going mad already. Dear take me out of this!!! I can breakdown any moment now!!! Mr Eusoff called him and I had to put down the phone. Said he will call me back. I will wait for his call...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
1:20 PM
I woke up at 6.30am... followed by 7am... I really did. Dear called me shortly after my alram rang. He told me he was very tired already. So I told him to go home instead. Do not have to meet me today. But he scared that I will be angry. So he say to meet for awhile. I understand dear. You just come back from Malaysia only, sure very tired. I also understand how you feel already when I ask you to wake up early to meet me. So sorry...
Went back to sleep till 11am. Finally got out of bed to bathe. Was told that Auntie Irene will be fetching me at 11.45am to go to Aunite Daisy's house. However, in the end, as I am not ready to leave the house yet, I followed Daddy instead.
Reached at around 1pm. Very few people was here only. Spent my time playing with Shirong. Ate lunch only quite late in the afternoon. Not long after, went to watch television till I fell asleep. Woke up around an hour later.
When Annice came, I spent my time playing with her till she went home.
David messaged me again in the afternoon. He is driving me crazy already. Called me when he just finish work. Talked to him for awhile. After hanging up, he told me he going to havehis dinner at Tiong Bahru first.Messaged me when he reached home. Wanted to talk to me again. But I lied that I am busy at the moment. Can he not be so persistent? I need some space to breathe as well!!!
Called dear to wake him up at 8.30pm. He did not answer my call. Called me at 9pm. Told him that I called to wake him up only. Called me again on his way to work. He said he is planning to go to Malaysia next month. Ask me if I want to go as well. Of course i would love to my dearest. Just do not go back on your word again, I will be very glad.
Told me that he is acting Night Manager already. Will be attached to the Night Manager now. Good job darling. But I am not very happy though. Amara cannot pay well at all. So if he has the opportunity to leave, I will support him to do so. He can climb up the ladder again in another organisation, with a better pay as well. It is not healthy as well to stay in one workplace for too long. I toldhim if he ever leave Amara, I will get him the handphone he want. Dear you know I will never go back on my promise. So get a job as soon as possible and you will get your handphone already. A motivaiton for him...
Asked me if I want to go Dohby Gauht to meet him just now. But it was already 10pm. he has to wor at 11pm. So decided not to. Asked me to meet him tomorrow, But I thought as I start work at 8am tomorrow, it would be very rush for me. Tuesday would be the best day. I am attending the course than and it start at 9am. At least I can spend more time with him and I will not be so rush. Just cannot wait for that day to come...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
10:36 PM
Dear said he would call me when he return from Malaysia last night. However, he did not do so. I went to bed already at 11pm. Instead of him, David messaged me instead. Just wished me good night.
As usual, went to work at 8am today. First, was told that Honey was on MC, Adeline claim one hour. Then, heard that Adeline was on MC as well. Ein Ein did not come in yet at 10am. Heard she had gone to see the doctor before coming in. What a different person she is today. She has lost her voice. Was told she has caught a virus. Poor girl...
Had a weird encounter again at work. Just after lunch, I received a call. This called at first claimed that he is David. So immediately, I thought he was the David from Qi Ji. He called my handphone instead then after obtaining my number from me. Insisted that I have met him before, at the lobby of Marina Mandarin. Said he is working for Teenage magazine and wanted me to be the model for one of the advertisement. Asked me for my statistics. Even said he will email me the venue of the audition and asked me to go for the interview next Sunday.
In the morning, David messaged me good morning... Afternoon, messaged me again, ask me if I have taken my lunch. I feel so tied down now!!! Kind of regret giving him my number. After work, I had to pass by Qi Ji to go to City Hall MRT station to meet Millie. Tried to avoid seeing him but failed. He saw me and messaged me bye bye. Said he will call me when he finish work.
On my way to the station, met Steve. He actually could recognise me just by looking at my back!!! Amazing!!!
With nowhere to go while waiting for Wendy, Millie and I went to Karaoke. Sang till 8pm. However, Wendy was there at 7.30pm already. After that, went for dinner at Cafe Cartel. In total, we ordered a waffle, soft shell crab and prawn combo and a plate of pasta. Cannot really remember the name of the pasta already though. True enough, David called me again straight away Dear message me to tell me he has reached Singapore already. He asked me to go for dinner with him on Friday, his off day. I do not want!!! Lucky I am working at 12pm on that day. It would be too late to meet for dinner already then. I will try as much as possible to reject all his offer. All I want is my darling now.
Dear called me just went I am on my way home. I have just alighted from the taxi. Asked him about his interview. He said he could not get the pay he wanted so he is going to reject the offer. Dear, do not aim too high. Just climb the corporate ladder slowly. You will sure get what you want someday. Do not rush into it so soon.
The last 4 digit of his handphone came out as first prise in today's lottery. What a waste. He did not bet on the number. Because of this, he began to "curse and swear" at me. Almost quarrelled with him again. I know you are tired. But must you always be so abusive??? Did not want to put down the phone actually. But I know he wanted to rest. I did not want to quarrell with him also. So I decided to put down the phone. Maybe I will call him again later on. Wonder if he will want to meet me tomorrow morning before he go home. I cannot wait to pass him the watch already. Cannot wait to see him again. I miss my dear...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
2:24 PM